Launching Myself

When my Mom was 36 she told me she could no longer have a pony tail in her hair because it as an inappropriate hair style for someone who was 36. I'm fully aware that I am three years from 36 and feeling pretty much like, damn it, if I want a pony tail I'm going to wear one!" This also stems from the fact that I'm finally in a job I like A LOT and that means that I am destined to wear business dress for many more years to come. That means, at work, no blue hair, no nostril screw, no flamboyant and whimsical clothes, and no tattoos. This makes me think of my Father; like as I think this he says, "Thank the lord!" It also makes me think of Nanci and Leo when Nanci commented that she was surprised that we ( Walter and I) got mice because after my rat Diva, becaue she thought I would "grow out of it." Mind you I was 24/25 when we got the mice (hysterical animals to own, albeit stinky).

Not rebelling but determined this year I have been neck deep in graphic design with my new position in marketing and book illustrating, have decided I would grow my hair down to the bottom of my shoulder blades discovering I look good without bangs and younger with long hair, realized that due to the temperature of my office and my need to wear sweaters and jackets that I could indeed have a tattoo sleeves and no one would know, and that no one seems to care when I wear eye liner on my top and bottom eye lids. I bought three books on restyling clothes from your immediate wardrobe thinking I could revamp my closet in a professional yet Chloe style and I was feeling pumped. I had designed a logo for myself earlier in 2010 and after receiving confirmation that it was a pretty cool and appropriate design in my Business of Graphic Design class, from my teacher, I was starting to feel reborn. I was tired with the feeling that I was mostly bending to what others thought was the right thing for me to do. I bought the 10 gauge spiral earrings that I fell in love with on a girl in my Web Design class and wore them to work (again no one said anything) and I'm on a quest to continue launching myself; my whole self, not just a dusty window reflection of myself.

I told my friend Nick that I was thinking of getting my upper arms tattooed and he said something about "what would Padon and Sophia think of their Mom when they were teenagers." This comment makes me envision myself in a wife beater, tight running shorts, breasts much larger then I actually own and bending over my daughter's boyfriend with a plate of cookies. I'm just not that kind of Mom but at the same time when I do save enough money for my sweet tattoo sleeves I'm going to wear a tank top when it's hot and if my kids are embarrassed of me, I'm sorry they feel that way. Hopefully when they are older and adults they will see that at least their Mother was true to herself and not folding her true self esteem and spirit to what is perceived to be the norm. I can't get my tattoo sleeves fast enough.