We Will Love and Cherish You Forever

On February 15th Walter and I found out I was pregnant and by Feb 20th the doctor's office had confirmed it to be true. We were super excited at how it had only taken us 1 1/2 months to get pregnant and how it had been so much easier than trying to get pregnant with Padon (a very long 7 months). And I started planning how I was going to adjust to being pregnant while in a high visibility company run by men. Walter and I lovingly named the unsexed baby, Baby X. But on February 26th at 5 1/2 weeks I miscarried and lost the baby.
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This has been a devastating event for us. We had already become invested in this baby even though it had only been two weeks. My co-worker compassionately covered for me at work and sent me home, and I went to a wonderfully loving, and supportive husband who always knows the right things to say and who gives the most wonderful and reassuring hugs, and to a toddler who at the sight of my tear streaked face leaned over with one hand on my shoulder and went "Blaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!" in my face with a huge grin on his face making me laugh out loud. And then did it a second time.

My brain feels torn at the loss because the baby was so small but if had continued to be born in October would have been a whole human being and so this tiny heart beating being was no different and was one in the same.

I have bought a Willow Tree sculpture by Susan Lordi to commemorate the baby so I have something to hold and look at and this gives me some peace. It's title is Guardian and looks how my heart feels and what I wish I was able to do. How amazing two weeks in the environment of a new being can change you and make your heart ache so much.