So The Le Leche League Aren't Femme Nazis!

When I had Padon I tried breast feeding him when we were in the hospital and with the help of a lactition we seemed to move through the movements but once we left it went all down hill from there. He screamed and cried, pushing back against me, arching his back, and pushing back against my guiding hand with his neck muscles straining. I didn't like that breast feeding seemed mean and he didn't seem to like it and it was quickly a miserable experience for both of us. So I pumped exclusively and Walter and I fed Padon with a bottle.

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This time, with Sophia, I thought I would give it another try; not holding my breath. She quickly latched on and in different positions and it seemed like it might be easier this time. But because it was a relatively new experience for me I spent many a morning on the internet searching, as Sophia breastfed, subjects that I was pondering. And out of curiosity I googled the Le Leche League. I had been given the feeling that the Le Leche League of women were feminists to the extreme. They were the ones that picketed shopping malls for not letting women breastfeed barebreasted weren't they? Suprised I found instead a wonderfully easy to navigate website full of easy to find questions and answers and a search engine that pointed me to an answer to just about everyone of my questions. And not once was an answer one that made me feel like I should be someone other then I was. Instead I was validated and reassured and bordering on lesbianism with my love of these open hearted and understanding women.

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I discovered that:

I was a gal who just produced way too much milk and had an oversupply; a problem that hindered positive breastfeeding and made the experience difficult for the new baby and Mom. It then proceed to explain why it happens and what to do to correct it and there fore relieve the physical pain and discomfort related to it. No more stabbing darning needle feeling? Who knew?!

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and that

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Padon most likely had an oral aversion. A condition possibly caused by the "suctioning of the newborn's airway or stomach, naso- or orogastric feeding tubes, inappropriate use of artificial nipples and bottle-feeding methods, incorrect placement of fingers in the baby's mouth for finger feeding or suck assessment, and aggressive attempts to alter the baby's sucking pattern. Some of these interventions can be helpful as long as they are done gently and slowly, paying attention to the baby's cues." I felt elated and validated as a Mom who had felt like maybe she had given up too early. It was just such an unpleasent experience for both of us that it didn't seem worth the trouble and now I had a better way to describe what was probably going on.

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The only question I couldn't find was why pumping was such an uncomfortable process. And it wasn't just in pumping. Often times the same nauseous feeling I got when pumping I would get when I started nursing Sophia, causing me to have to stop eatting dinner for a moment and concentrate on the feeling at the back of my throat. Google helped me on this one. I wasn't alone and it sounded like some mom's might have it worse. From a forum on circleof moms.com I learned that the body releases a hormone at let down that causes some women to feel nauseous. They had recommendations on how to combat it but so far my only solution is to work through the first couple minutes of nausea until the hormone passes and I can better concentrate on my book. I had been so caught off guard by this feeling when I first pumped with Padon that I was angry, frustrated, and totally disenchanted with this whole idea of bonding by breast with my baby. This time round I knew I didn't like it and so mentally was more open to how I was feeling physically. I'm proud that I have made it 3 months so far with only a few thoughts of quiting, but I remember so clearly the tears and want to throw the machine across the room, and worst yet the bitterness I felt toward Walter for not having to be in my shoes and for pushing me to continue (of course in Padon's best interest).

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I enjoy breast feeding Sophia mostly for the flexibilty I have in doing so. I felt, as I walked about 7 blocks through Downtown Seattle, with Sophia in the maya sling, latched onto a covered breast, that I should have a bumpersticker or something from the Le Leche League welcoming me into their brethern (especially since I have accidentally fully exposed a breast publically about three times now). I also enjoy the ability to fall asleep, lying down, with her on the couch, nipple secure in her mouth at 2:00 in the morning. I'm going to try to stick it out for a year and if I do it will be largely due to the mental pats on the back I get from reviewing and re-reviewing their site.