Padon was doing really well at being potty trained before he went to Josephine but then gradually over a couple months he started peeing in his pants again. Walter and I were concerned and even more so when Padon started pooping in his pants too. Waiting to pee until the last second and not making it to the bathroom is one thing, but pooping takes effort and devotion and this was not okay.
Walter and I tried to shame Padon, tried making him wash out his own under wear, and make him change his own pants, sometimes making him sit in the mess for a while. We tried to guilt trip him with how only babies went in their pants and while Padon would say, semi shocked, "I'm not a baby!" he would still pee in his pants, or catch me as I walked in the door, home from work, "Mommy I peed in my pants today!"
Finally pooping in his pants in the morning and the afternoon broke the camel's back. Walter told Padon if he wanted to be a baby he could be a baby and that the whole next day he would get to remember what it was like to be a baby again. Funny enough, Walter had to leave that day to help Jane and Jason move and so that left Sophia, Padon, and myself to do a flashback in time by ourselves. Padon was surprised to find that being a baby meant that he either had to sit in Sophia's highchair or in the chair with arms, because babies fall out without support, that he had to wear a bib, wear a diaper, couldn't sit on the couch because babies fall off, eat baby food and nothing that he might choke on, and only play with baby appropriate toys.
Half way through the day he was saying he didn't want to be a baby anymore. I clarified that he was in this for the long haul and after he said he wouldn't pee in his pants anymore I asked him if he knew what a liar was. I said "Padon I have blue eyes, if I were to tell you I have brown eyes, I'm lying to you, because I don't. If I tell you I have a present for you, I'm lying because I don't have any presents, that's just mean. So when you tell me that you won't pee in your pants and then you do it anyway, that makes you a liar." He looked at me shocked and said "I don't want to be a liar!" I said "I don't want you to either but you have already told me once before that you wouldn't pee in your pants and you did it again anyway, AND you pooped in your pants. I don't think I can believe you." He said, "But I wont..." And I said, "Well you still have to be a baby today, we're doing this until bedtime."
This transitioned to nap time, which was being followed by Pia's schedule. Sophia takes a long 4 hour nap and Padon simply resolved himself to the nap as well. And when he woke up after 2 hours, didn't fight me when I told him I understood he wasn't tired anymore, but because babies take long naps he needed to stay in his room until Sophia woke up. Defeated he went back to his room but again didn't fight me. It seemed the plan might be working.
We continued on the day as if I had two Sophias and Padon was positive he didn't want to be a baby again. That was Saturday. On Monday I came home and Padon said happily and smugly, right as I walked through the door "I peed in my pants today!" I just dropped my shoulders and said defeated as he followed me into my bedroom "Padon, get out of my room. Just get out of my room." and I closed the door after him, to get changed out of my work clothes, and be by myself with my disappointment. Walter and I were at our wits end. This needed to stop but we didn't know if Padon was doing it to be a pain, because he now had to go to school, or because of Walter's attention to his PTST?
I spoke to a therapist about it and she applauded me on my effort but said she thought I had given Padon way too much attention. That the trick was to give him as little attention as possible in regard to peeing in his pants, and to instead praise him profusely for the good things he was doing. He had become so contrary that she was right. We weren't really praising him anymore. We were praising Sophia for her accomplishments and scolding Padon when he got in her way. With the therapists recommendations we turned ourselves around and when Padon peed in his pants we said blandly "oh, well, so did you change your pants?" but when he told us how he went to the park we jumped all over it saying how awesome that was and how great it must be to be a big boy. When he interrupted Sophia to answer where her ears were, we responded "Wow, you are so smart! You know where all your body parts are! Do you think you could help Sophia learn where her body parts are?!" And the therapist was right. In three days there was no more peeing and pooping in his pants. He was starved for personal appraisal and had turned to going in his pants for attention. So sad! I have to say, though, it is really hard to be a cheerleader when you are really tired or at the end of your day. These are the tasks we commit ourselves to, however, when we choose to be parents. Only 18 years and then so much of it is over. 18 years is nothing!
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